Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
