Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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