I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
