In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Boobs speak an international language.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
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