Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
