I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
