Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
