There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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