I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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