Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
