Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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