Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
