Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
