i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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