Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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