its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
