Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
