I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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