It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
