Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
