No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
