hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
