I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
