yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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