if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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