you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize