You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
