Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
