i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
