Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
