I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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