So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
