the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
