butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
