I wish I could punch you in the face.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
