there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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