I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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