your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
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