ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
