Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
