the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
