First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
