you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
try to milk me bitch
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
