I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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