Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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