I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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