Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
