So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
