I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
