Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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