Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
