im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize
