I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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