I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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