I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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