Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
