Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
