Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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