hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
