Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
