9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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