Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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