I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
