And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
