at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
