is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
