I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
