Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
