I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize