Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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