3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
