Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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