i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
