I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
