i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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