I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
jump out the window naked night went bad
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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