i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
