JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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