someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
