Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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