I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize