$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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