Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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