shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
