I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
