Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
