someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
