If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
