Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
