found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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