My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
