I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
