Farmville is her only friend.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
