Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
